That picture doesn't make anyone jealous, but the experience would’ve done you good

A chronicle written by Nadim Ghazale.

Sometimes it happens, the things that should not happen. What irritates, scatters and is very embarrassing for an adult to admit. Something that I was later ashamed of, who was allowed to affect my mood and question my decision. Although life in general flows on painlessly, that feeling occasionally pops up. Instagram stress. FOMO. Logically, I feel a great self-hatred when it happens. I'm too old to feel the stress of missing out on things, I've grown from that. The strangest thing is that logic is reversed. The most troublesome thing is not to miss things I have chosen, but when I see people doing things I do not want to do. Things that the collective would rather expect from one. Like when a sunny day happens on the same day as the Australian Open final is played in tennis. But, it is nice weather and then you are expected to go out, right? And when everyone in the whole country is out enjoying the temporary break in this monsoon period we call winter. Sausage barbecues outdoors and photographs on mirrored lakes while Novak serves in the fifth set after a heroic take on the young Thiem. You know him with the one-handed backhand that is so beautiful that it turns all the Instagram stories on thermos mugs around a frozen barbecue area.

Thank you but no, I do not agree with the passive aggressive rule that you have to rush out as soon as the sun looks ahead. Time is too important to waste. On things or people that take more energy than it gives, on things that do not bring recovery.

Now that's all about recovery. Ways to recharge the batteries after a working week in the service of the state and the family. Finding ways to recover is a matter of health, if not survival, and we are all different. I need to relax, with power and without finesse. Watch tennis, play FIFA, read or just take a power nap. Then the brain is decoupled to 100 percent. Because there is no way that will get my brain disconnected as a FIFA online match against any teen on the other side of the earth. It could blow a bomb outside and I wouldn’t raise my eyebrows. Or when my favorite author's protagonist Jona Linna is in a new hunt for the super villain Jurek Walter. Even sleep is not allowed to get in the way. So why not just keep quiet and do it then? Well, because I feel outside, strange and alone. Just like when everyone enjoys Håkan Hellström's music and I stand next to one another and watch. Feeling outside throws one back into the childhood. At a time when the only task of the day was to duck that and fall asleep with a sense of being included in the gang.

So keep enjoying your recovery and I'll try to find security in mine. I know that the photo of you mumbling in the woods in colored leisure pants is more instagram-compatible than the picture of my gray softies on the sofa. That picture does not make anyone jealous, but the experience would’ve done you good.